Are we losing?

On three separate occasions, in the last two years, I've had Black men say to, "you haven't been through anything."

I was leaning back on at a Rwandan restaurant after my then-partner had said that to me, when I noticed the pattern. Usually, when things like that get said, an automatic defense mechanism sparks-up, and people say, "listen, I've been through A,B,C.... etc," but I think there was some merit to what they said and some merit to their point of view.

Isn't the reason why many activists are activists,
why certain people speak,
why people take up causes,
why certain people care about things social constructions like race or sex,
why people are curious about things,
why certain people measure themselves to their contemporaries...
because of the agency that they have?

I'm not saying this is always the case BUT I am saying that my friends had a point.

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Multiple winters have been packed into this winter. Multiple summers, too, will likely be packed into the upcoming summer. I would not proclaim myself an environmentalist, but something is going on.

Like clock-work, each year, I have stomach issues. As a vegetarian and a runner, I know that the body is very intuitive. Like environmental droughts or hurricanes, sickness never occurs out of the blue, the body gets sick because it is not being provided with what it needs. When something is not right at the core, that's how it manifests itself. And I know that, it gets sick in order to heal. It is attempting to fix the person as a whole.

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Nothing worth having is ever convenient. A question women have to ask themselves about their relationships is: "Is this person here for me or is this person here for me when it's convenient? Better yet, is this person here for me when he/she/they conveniently want or need me?" Women are socially taught to hold-out, believe in people, understand complexities in behavior, be loyal, and value circumstance. I was raised in a culture, where regardless of male faults or male violence, divorce as a way out for women is frowned upon. The "ride or die" glamorization/pressure/mentality for women has been the foundation of our social upbringing. Men aren't brought up that way. They don't need to ride or die for women, their brothers maybe, but not women. So as women, does being convenient symbolize how we value ourselves?

Isn't the test of a person's character whether or not they choose to be there when it's most inconvenient? It is complicated but I think young women sometimes don't treat ourselves with the understanding and consideration we give others.

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I was in 9th grade when Taylor Dahl died. I remember he just an average kid in every sense of the word. Pretty dorky, but nice enough. But I remember sitting in Sociology class, taught by Ms. Pratt, I believe, the first day back from winter vacation, and getting the news that Taylor passed away during his trip to Colorado. I told him I was jealous that he got to travel for break. I remember them saying his mom was a single mother and he was her only child. I have since forgotten most names and faces of the kids I went to high school with but when a child dies, you never forget. It was 10 years in January.
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Part B

“What I would say to him is that not only did you take Jordan’s life but you took my future. I won’t have grand-children, I will never have a daughter-in-law. I don’t have those things anymore, but what he’ll need to understand is that in some way shape or form: he will pay – even if we don’t ever receive the verdict for Jordan.” -Lucia McBath, Jordan Davis' mother on what she would say to his killer, Michael Dunn.

In 2014, just as in the 50s and 60s, there is a range of people of color who are deeply divided. There are Apologists who have people of color take on their own burden, take responsibilities or fault for their burdens, and who successfully maneuver through White norms, and urge people of the color to do the same. I would presume they see color and race, but their focus is on something else. Their idea of how to beat the system is almost to ignore it and go above it. I.E.--> Clarence Thomas.

And then, there are folk who are out on the front lines everyday. Everything has to do with hierarchy and supremacy. Folk who say if you're playing along with the system, then you're just a puppet, you're just in the belly of the beast. Really radical folk. Folk who rightfully say, if they have to teach their sons and daughters that they have to do twice as much, be twice as good, watch out for cops, then, really they are condoning a system of racism. Playing into it. Perpetuating it.

There are folk who want to work along with White folk because White folk right now, have power to change systems and then there are people who believe in P.O.C. movements, P.O.C. perspectives and P.O.C. solidarity.

Neither is wrong. Both sides and everybody in between came to their perspectives for a reason. The problem here lies in how do we call each other IN and talk about compromise because shit keeps happening because there's never been a united front. "Fuck everybody" is ridiculously naive but kissing ass doesn't work either and the people who pay are 17-year-old kids like Trayvon and Jordan who had their entire lives ahead of them. 

Then there are people like President Obama who perhaps think things that men of color may think but don't speak them, and perhaps the reason he is where he is today, why he was re-elected, is because he isn't socially threatening to people in his ilk.

But white people are able to think and talk about white people. Most laws are written, passed, and enforced by white people. The most wealth is held by white people. Little things like clothing designs, vernacular, what is taught in school text books is also white dominated. So people are understandably upset with the President and people who take on that way of being because he, as a man of color, conducts himself in a way that ALSO makes White people central and that ensures primal white comfort. He is hyper aware of the white gaze.

BUT, he is the mark of success. AND, he is advancing the plight and outlook (if not reality) of men of color by being who he is and setting THE ultimate example.

As a growing woman of color trying to strike an appropriate balance and to work through understanding race approaches with both urgency AND maturity, I ache for Jordan's parents. Even if I turn out to be a Barack Obama type eventually, even if I turn out upper class, or even if I am currently, subjectively, a non-threatening, small, relatively soft spoken biracial woman, if I am blessed, I will mother a Black little boy and Black little girl one day. How do I tell the world to value my daughter's body and individuality? What do I say to my future son about how to dress, how to navigate, how to act, and will those things matter? If you put Clarence Thomas, Barack Obama, an obedient or a ten times more militant/ strong black boy in the same vehicle as Jordan was, if you put a rich, a middle class, or a poor boy in the same vehicle as Jordan was, Michael Dunn would have done the EXACT same thing because the fear and the perception of enhanced threat he, and in association, many Americans felt, comes from the fact that the child was Black.

That's where I think, people of color need to come together. The scary thing is that no matter their political differences, no matter their different perceptions on government programs, no matter their take on how to buck the system, no matter if they are divided on the importance of White allies, of wanting to be more "White/ mainstream" or wanting to be proud and be unapologetically a person of color with their own standards, whether you're Martin or Malcolm, in 2014, at the end of the day, it still doesn't matter. Walking down the street, people see your body, your race, and your image first.

It's a simple question but a complex issue. After all, race issues are profitable. Afterall racism benefits a lot of people. People make money spewing hatred. So, how can we make minority images overall POSITIVE? Are we losing the race battle?
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"Hey.. The victory's found in truth,
like innocence found in youth
Self defeat is your own dispute
and man you put yourself in a ya own shoes
Either you're winning or losing
don't you get it confused
Tay you starring in a ya own movie
playing of a role you choose so
Stand up and fight if you know say you're right and no you won't ever fail
Tipping the scale and the wind shall prevail and the boat shall forever sail."
Damien Marley in Strong Will Continue. 

Let's End Positively

"Your love is bright as ever,
Even in the shadows,
Baby kiss me, before they turn the lights out
Your heart is glowing,
And I'm crashing into you,
Baby kiss me, before they turn the lights out
Before they turn the lights out, baby love me lights out." -Beyonce