Questions

"Love is not just a verb, it's you looking in the mirror." -Kendrick Lamar

I have friends who are really good at listening, and asking questions, and remembering details. Friends who converse in questions rather than advice. Sometimes in my personal relationships when I've felt unseen or unheard, I've overcompensated for those things by conversing through comments rather than de-centering myself by asking questions that either give away power or which have answers that I'm uncomfortable with hearing.

28 was such a blessed year. It was a reminder that it's ok to be soft and vulnerable while still standing my own ground. My 20's has really been so focused on the latter because I've felt constantly cheated out of the opportunities I deserved, constantly overlooked... and I am a hardass because I don't want to perpetuate my own oppression. That fire led to a teaching certificate while working full time, it led to Harvard, it led to speaking up more and it led to a constant will to be better. I don't regret any of that. I think those are assets. Passion drives change within the status quo... especially now, in this era, where even when oppression is seen, it is ignored deliberately, which makes me and a lot of us, constantly question the integrity and fabric of America... and it fuels us.

But

In my heart I think that 29 is when things start to fuse together. 

I think in friendships and relationships now, there is more room for trust and for questions, more room for knowing your principles as a hardass but for being soft too. I used to get so frustrated when I would speak with someone and they would not ask questions back; it was like they didn't care. They were self-centered, un-engaged. They were quintessential men.

I don't think it's my job to get any guy or any woman who isn't poor or isn't a woman of color to fully grasp their privilege or to be less self-centered nor could I do it if I tried. What this year has taught, however, is that women, particularly women of color, do a great job of listening and affirming one another and asking questions that bring about reflections that are vulnerable and necessary. We have, in essence, each other to let down our guards on and to reflect. That's what I'm working on. Identifying when vulnerability is ok and identifying spaces where I can not only be more human but where I can act as a support system for others to be more human as well through asking questions, through not knowing all the answers, and through listening without needing to say very much.

I owe a lot to the women of IHP and my female friends at the Ed School for showcasing a lot of strength through compassion but never letting compassion trump principles or justice. I will always be sarcastic and petty and sharp, and I do think there are certain things that can't fly and that are wrong that I will undoubtedly sacrifice any "friendship" for.

But I do think I'm warmer and more loving this year than I've ever been and I like that.

29 looks bright.

A few songs that represent 28 well:

Kendrick Lamar: Loyalty
Beyonce: Freedom
Solange: Cranes in the Sky
Jhene Aiko: It's Cool
Craig Mack: Flava in Ya Ear
Drake: Right Hand
Jhene Aiko: Spotless Mind "Loving you as nice, but it's a new day, a new season." 
Mobb Deep: Shook Ones (RIP Prodigy)