Give and Take

As a child, I found it utterly silly that Vietnamese folks would make a checklist of how much money each guest or family would give during certain celebratory events. The practice was to ensure that when the time came to attend the guest's own events, that the contribution or gift would be of equal value.

Guests who didn't show up wouldn't be invited again and their events wouldn't be attended, and guests who failed to equally reciprocate may also get the same treatment.

Seems a little petty, in my books, at least as a child it did. But as an adult, there is an unquestionable value to the practice. Parents take care of their children and children take care of parents as they age. It is fair, equal, balanced and people feel valuable.

The foundation of any relationship, I find, has to be that way.
As a woman, I tend to check in with my value system often, to make sure that I am nourished as much as I am nourishing... and when I'm not feeling nourished,  I cut people off with quickness.

As a teenager or a kid, or even many grown-ups, feeling accepted and doing things for acceptance is normal and human, but that can't offset loyalty and self-worth.

Having 5 friends who are loyal and check in when it's inconvenient is better than having 10 friends who flake. Having met a lot of people who are flaky, who are takers, and knowing people from the other side who give so much that they drain and wound themselves without receiving the nourishment they deserve, I pledge not to do either.  It's a hard lesson to learn but a valuable one for everyone.

It opens up the door for organic relationships. Any healthy organic relationship is seamlessly that way.