What makes someone impressive?

It's nice to notice decency. So often, we note what is wrong, with people, with society, with men. So, because we try to see what's good, women, including myself, often overcompensate for bad guys by giving "good guys" lots of credit for being decent.

For saying they think that women are equal. For being polite. For being "progressive". For listening or waiting their turn. For being worldly and smart. And mostly, for being considerate and a deep thinker. We get so impressed by that.

Somewhere along the line, I decided to stop building up and martyring men who act the way they're supposed to and who notice things they're supposed to notice because that's the reality women live in every day as is. Coming to the game late, or coming to the game at all, doesn't make one better than those who have already been there, namely women. The bar should at least be there.

In the same token, we can't stroke white people's egos for being aware of the racism that people of color see consistently. We can't give straight/cis people praise for noticing some of the obstacles that LGBTQ folks experience on the daily. It's decent but not commendable.

It takes a lot to unlearn who we give credit to, whose self-esteem we support, and who has the privilege of being seen as great for being normal.

I don't say all this to take away from people who are making a concerted effort to be their better selves. However, they're not supernatural, and they're not knocking the homerun out of the ballpark for doing that.

Simply because some men are misogynistic and condescending doesn't make normal men legendary. Just because some people are sexist, doesn't make non-sexist people leaders. And simply because a group of folks hold racist beliefs doesn't mean those who don't, know what it's like to live their lives as anything other than white, and desired, and valued, and praised. (And just because most white folk don't rap doesn't make Macklemore 2Pac or even Kendrick Lamar... I kid, but not really.)

Women, people of color, LGBT folks, need to stop giving "allies" more credit than the people who are entrenched in those realities.

Often folks tell me I should be impressed by things, or I'm too picky, or I'm not perfect either (which cannot be MORE true, I have more faults than I can count), or this one and that one are nice guys, and they are. And I love people, particularly my dude friends, I love being friendly and sociable, and sweet, and competitive, and happy, But I also wish to be fair and aware, and what I hope, particularly for men, is that decency and awareness ARE NOT THE defining/unique trait of someone but merely a foundation he should automatically hold that makes him a good friend or a good partner. Uniqueness is rather what makes someone different and with his own light in the world. I hope, for the sake of said world, that people aren't unique for being decent.