Pandora's box

I keep telling myself that I'm ok, but I'm sighing.... up and down. I don't want my roommate to hear. I've been glaring at the messages in my inbox for days...... and they weren't even from the devil. They were from my dear friends, they were from angels, but I didn't know that until I dared open them, because I thought the devil would have something to say. Something wise, something ridiculous, something incredibly hurtful, some opinion, something........ I was wishing for too much. I was afraid of it, just glaring at it, glaring at something that wasn't there. So, I can't keep chasing pavements... the curiosity might always be there but the effort is dying, so hopefully the curiosity will go with the effort. Perhaps I unconsciously put myself in these circumstances in order to make myself a martyr or to feel bad for myself, I can't, I shouldn't, it's not my time to freak quite yet. It's my time to read clear messages, and maybe the devil is the most devilish when he's giving clear messages through silence, I ought not to read them as lingering, wavering, or play into what the devil wants. I ought to read them as a clear and precise way in which the devil gets his way soon enough but he plays first. Just because I'm an angel does not mean I don't think of myself, or that I would be naively persistent. After a while angels must also do work, they cannot always play.

I feel as though a child pondering silly thoughts
Whirling around in my head is the incredibly joy you bring to me
Breaking me from the bond I’ve naively been bundled in
You bring to me a fierceness and uncertainty that I’ve never realized
Yet a smile springs to my face
I dance through my dorm as though a child again
I can’t stop cheesing, blushing, bursting
Singing off tune through a melody so sweet
That it replays itself in my dreams, really?
I’m a baby and I can’t articulate…..
I’m back to passing notes and forward to tasteful lusting
Your smile makes beam,
With your silence…. I am throbbing
Your eyes warn of trouble… still I keep that door open.