Respect

"They shootin', aw made you look, you a slave to a page in my rhyme book." -Nas

People who keep it real and people who respect me, I told my girlfriend that's all I'm looking for at this phase in my life. When I find those people, I know, because it puts a smile on me, and they've been coming more frequently of late. They let me make my mistakes but are still there to build me up. It's something.

I've been getting back on the writing and reading tip. It's time to work on the story I started way back when, but now I'm at a different phase in my life, a phase where I laugh a lot so I'm just hoping the inner Ayn Rand would come out. Haven't laughed so hard; felt so free in a long time; it's a sign of something. I didn't think I would look in the mirror one day and like my slightly crossed eyes, my lips, my hips, my voice, my jelly... it's a sign of freedom; a sign that the confidence is creeping out whether or not I'm ready for it. I know a blessing when I see one. I can feel things coming together.

Aww man, it's crazy what real people do, what seeing the world does, what letting go of a few inhibitions at a time can do. I'm still guarded, yes, but the layers stripping down are revealing the little girl who was so trusting and excited about the world before I fell in love for the first time. She was naive; a lot more naive, carrying a lot fewer assumptions about the negative and manipulative sides of people than I am today. I miss her because I always had a tendency to believe people were good and if mistakes are made; it was there actions that are bad, not them. That can't be my philosophy all the time but I do like to have it back-- I do like to look at myself and the people around me and realize that although things are not perfect, this life is a blessing.

Man, that knob turned somewhere. One of my mentors said "you're only young once, don't waste it, live it up." Maybe I'm finally beginning to do that.