Distance

Blyde River Canyon, South Africa

"I want it all, or nothing at all,
there's no where left to fall,
when we reach the bottom, it's now or never." -O-Town(surprisingly)

Distance is a motherfucker. Distance is painful. But I suppose pain inspires art. The lyrics of "All or Nothing," (sadly by O-Town), is me at this point. Maybe I do want everything because my heart is tired from settling.

I've been home for 10 days and the only thing keeping me from traveling again is income. I suppose I feel an itch every time there is banality, and the anxiety builds up in me like lava so to speak. Plus, IHP and to an extent, Colby, has enabled me to have friends all over the world who hold different viewpoints, with different stories and different upbringings.

Distance is, to me, lack of an emotional connection. I'm here in body but I'm not here mentally, emotionally and there's always a guilt, each time I come home, that I don't appreciate what home is, what home contributes to me especially when I've been places where a lot of people don't have homes or some people have a house, but they don't have home, they don't have safety. Traveling to those places with the privilege to "escape" my own banality is something I also consider. No I'm not a man, and no I'm not upper class, and no I'm not white but I'm still luckier than 95 percent of the world.

But being in this relative calm makes me so implosive. Plus, there are people I miss too much. Poems to come but since we are moving to Texas, my poor mother mistakenly threw away my Colby Echos and Sun Journal articles... so internet searches continue for some of my favorite articles. Still NOTHING quite replaces seeing your work on a physical paper and knowing that it affects someone somewhere in some kind of way. Another thing I miss.

http://www.sunjournal.com/node/27843