Family

"You don't say good luck, you say don't give up." - The Roots

I'm the girl that cringes at the very idea of family gatherings. My blood pressures spikes a bit each time one takes place. For the lucky among us, family members can be friends, but for the most part, family is a biological unit of people who each live their lives very differently. I guess that's why people grow up to create their own families with their best friend. Because more often than not, friends make better spiritual and emotional companions, they make better families than families do.

And mine is no exception. Maybe they don't understand race, and sexuality, and society the way I see it. Maybe they don't care and I think that contributes to the problem. Or maybe I'm just on my high horse/ I take them for granted. Our conversations turn shallow about obsolete things which are easy to be honest about. But I understand that this is my grandmother's family, my father's family, and not mine. By the time I'm my parents' age, my children will probably feel misunderstood as well. I'm a hard-headed child who keeps a lot in, but at the same time demands to be understood... and that's where the trouble lies. I have a mind of my own, they have minds of their own, and compromise for hard-headed people who come from a line of hard-headed people is near impossible.

I love my family and for the most part, I like or at least tolerate most of them. But I'm also searching for the understanding and friendships that comes with having my own group of people, people who will drive my kids crazy the way my family drives me crazy at large Vietnamese barbecues. The ones where people let their kids run rampant, while they talk about each others' children, weight gain/ loss, plastic surgery, the good old days, what it means to be beautiful (Viet women are stuck in the 1950s) and sometimes even try a hand at conversing with me, the serial-cringer. Cringing upsets my father. Stress goes up during holiday seasons, and I run, to Halifax, or NY, or my locked room, or a whole different continent.

Summer is getting long. I need busy work, the pour-your-heart-out honest talks (thank God for my nurse, Robin), freedom, and the friends that are family. I need to purge from carefree summers. I hope the loving and caring side of me is seen. But that's only 20 percent of the puzzle; most people are kind. I need people who recognize what my fight and my passion is.

My second cousin, Aunt Son, myself, and Uncle Thanh.


Grandma Khe and a 6/7 year old My Tien.