New and Old

"I am the one you denied,

You push me off every time I tried,

But I'm alright

I'll be able to swallow my pride

And put all the bullshit to the side

If you ready to ride." - Lloyd Banks

Talking to a friend the other night, I realized that we had both grown up. There's a lot of complexity, sometimes a lot pain, and often beauty which springs from that pain underneath what people show on their surface. Needless to say; I came to appreciate my friend more.

There are people there for me, I realize, who I never asked to be there for me and there are people who are not able to be there. So life is funny. Emotionally, I've lost a few people who I value and care for but I've also gained a few friendships and a sense that my family is always there. Then there are the two kids who came into the world who are extremely precious. I feel an extreme pain at the exact moment I feel liberation, the word for my next tattoo. In a few days, I'll be able to start over, and grow some more from the lessons I've learned this year.

Since I've turned 17, it's been a constant process of trying to compensate for my shelter and my privilege by being there for someone else. And, in the process, I neglect myself, my heart, and my needs. There hasn't been a 1 1/2 month period in the past 5 1/2 years where I've thought about me more than I've thought about someone else and what they need from me. Or how I could be better for such and such. Me, myself, and I... probably a new year's resolution.

In the meantime, Kanye West raps the soundtrack to my life.

Kanye ft Lil Wayne "See you in my nightmares"

Kanye "Runaway"

Kanye "Coldest Winter"