Chocolate

"Everybody dies but not everybody lives." -Drake

Sometimes the alarm doesn't wake me, but my mind does with lines it keeps repeating to itself, so I wake up at 8 a.m. rhyming

On the bus leaving you
But my mind was missing you
and so the tears flowed flowed
the way you go go
you Jai- maican
you Zim-- babwean
you Do-mina- cano
oh so beauti-
full that the tears
flowed flowed
and fed my pen with lies

The tone of the last two posts have been hopeful but solemn.
But in this moment, life is as good as Dove chocolate.
After IHP, my expectations were so high for the type people I want to surround myself with, that it took longer to find my niche at Colby. Colby students are, for the most part, self-entitled, self-serving, and oblivious. Quoting Nas when he's irresistibly gully, "get out my face, you people so phony."

But it's rejuvenating when I find a different brand of individuals and get to share part of myself with them.

I've been invited to the Posse Plus retreat in past years, but because of scheduling or being abroad, I've never taken advantage. But this year, to be able to share in the pride of our generation, and in the spirit of unity and of activism really inspired me.
It's always nice to feel that I'm not different alone, to feel that I'm almost not radical enough, that I could be doing more. Posse kids and their friends (for the most part) are strong, introspective, and are able articulate their hope and (com)passions for others beautifully.

The past few weeks and particularly this weekend have been like chocolate...
like the refreshing cold blowing in my face as I walk back from running out the toxins inside my body in the gym
like being able to go without my cosmetics and feeling beautiful
like eating chocolate cake and chocolate ice-cream (which every gal should do) and feeling no guilt and no worries about what my body looks like or about being judged
like 90 minute long dinners with friends and nonsense laughter
like jamming to Nas and Kanye and Lupe while writing a paper
On the majority of days this year,
I feel strong
I feel beautiful
I feel able
It comes and goes in waves, but I hope it stays.
I'm doing an independent project on Amerasians for Winifred Tate on my other blog which is kind of cool but Catherine Besteman sat in her class, in our Anthro seminar and challenged each of us to find something we're passionate about, some form of activism, change, issue, curiosity, to focus on in the class... It's hard to back down when that's 65 percent of one's grade. I like that she provides me with an excuse to do more and look into public health or education (although it's pretty much the same thing) for underprivileged children. She forces/ allows me to talk less and do more.
At the moment, life is a good bar of Dove chocolate.