More than average

"Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while
Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are we going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in the sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad man" -Jay Z ft. Mr. Hudson

Being young, being a woman, and being a racial minority can sometimes be a silencing existence. I certainly felt that way in grade school, during my first few years at Colby, and during my time in Washington.

But I don't anymore. I don't self censor depending on audience.
I work and go to school with folks who are in the majority for the most part and come from more educated and richer families... but whereas in the past, that may have been a barrier, or that might have been very self-silencing, it now isn't.

I'm not allowing myself to self-barricade myself from things that I can do, or from exploring opportunities.

That must be why I'm in the field of education-- because I never felt particularly bright I.Q. wise... It didn't, still doesn't, come naturally... and it takes a little longer for he neurons to fire. Or the reason I'm in Anthropology, because the institutional culture of education must feel a little alien to certain kiddos.

But I did fine in public school, because a lot of high school teachers didn't perceive a lot of the incompetence in me (or maybe they saw that "average" intelligence as more than). Despite me being fat, and quiet, and weird. And some even thought I could go to Colby so I went to Colby, and nearly Wellesley, on my self-perceived averageness.

At Colby, I had a Biology Professor (of all people! I am a terrible science student), get me into the International Honors Program to travel and explore global health with a group of brilliant (neurons definitely quickly firing type of brilliant) young people who I was astonished to be in the company of. The Yoshi Ondas, and Casey Lyons, and Edward Muguzas, and Thuy Ann Les were so smart and insightful.. and I too, got to be there.

In Anthropology, Professor Tate walked me through the process of exploring my family's Amerasian history, and to explore biracial histories of war. And Education Professors, who understood me as more than a student, have gotten me each job I've worked in since graduation.

I know that they know what I have to give. I know that they value it.

I had a UNE Professor suggest that I shouldn't limit myself to the UNE or other Maine Grad programs after I get certified to teach K-8. She thinks Masters or  Doctorates in Ivy League places in Boston are not only possible but should be strongly considered because I'm "smart." All the while, I'm drowning in homework and relearning science concepts that didn't really stick in high school or Colby. But she sees something. I haven't put much thought into a Doctorate... but she thinks it's possible.

And why wouldn't it be? Why would I have to finish my Masters at UNE when I could go someplace more well-known?

I'm not much more/ if any better than average. Most of us are... that's the meaning of "average" on the spectrum, but my potential reaches higher than that because of the time I've put in to fight it, and the messages I've gotten from the people who've touched my life.

I know that they hear me when I speak. And my colleagues hear me. And my classmates hear me.

That's what I want for my students. That's the message I want to give. That not everyone is born to effortlessly ace tests, but that students have the potential to go far if they see their potential, and if teachers see something quirky in them that allows them to be a valuable, contributing, member to society-- and that people hear them and see them.

It's so simple but it's not the case right now. Less than 25% of Mainers over 25 have a Bachelors Degree. Less than one in four adults, walking around in this state, that resides in THIS nation, have graduated from college! Only one in four adults have an expertise in a scholarly subject beyond High School. Even with the plethora of community colleges and affordable colleges, like USM, that's our truth.

If my super average ass can do it, why can't so many of our other kiddos? What messages are they getting or more importantly, not getting?

That's part of the reason I'm doing this, too. I need to have an expertise and a voice that's loud enough to shed some light on why every kiddo doesn't feel special or confident enough to pursue something more than what they see.

I've always had certain students who unexpectedly bond to my heart. There are certain naughty preschoolers who I miss.
But this year, with the older elementary kids needing less monitoring, I have more of an ability to listen. The more I hear their stories, the more certain students are putting trust in me, and starting to work with me. The trust of a child means everything. And I love when I make them feel like the coolest, quirkiest kiddos.

That's planting another seed in their trees of unique brilliance.