Zap goes the Christmas spirit. My facebook status is "My Tien wants to spoon spoon". I have impressed even myself by scooping to a record low.
All jokes aside, there once again exist the question of how to balance two contradictory yet necessary sides of being a woman. In today's world, every woman wants to be able to have an equal amount of respect which men have. We could be initiators in relationships, powerful business partners, CEOs, straight forward, have fun without being judged, independant, and top in our class.
The question is, how do we do this without compromising everything that makes us unique and a woman? How do we do this and keep ourselves a companion to a male and not him? There certainly are people who are turned off by the stereotypical perception of a woman as soft, kind, emotional, family first, caring, open, soft spoken, and dependant on the love and care of others. Yet all these traits are good traits which make us human, keep us emotional and not bottled up; in my opinion- it allows us to talk and keeps us out of the emotional loss which so many young men experience in today's society, which in turn leads them to being troubled or causing trouble. But, everything that strength and respect is seen as contradicts the definition of a woman. To keep up with a competitive world, many of us compromise our nurturing nature for a wall street respect because it's difficult to be everything at all times. Because society has blatantly put the message out there that "men can neither have needs or emotions", women who want to be perceived to be as strong as men, can't either- it unfortunately contradicts everything a human is- everything a woman is.
~Sigh. I think I've fallen victim to this. How does one balance a desire for strength and independence with a desire for dependant and caring relationships? It is not like one can spoon with someone one day and party one's heart out with many the next. It is not like one can both initiate in a relationship and feel cared for by having him be the initiator, or to be so smart that it puts in question his manhood and worth. The question is how to be kind, and complimentary to him without being easily walked on. Of course, the last couple were just talking about me; but this dynamic is seen in everyday life, careers, and relationships.
I have scooped to a new low. How does one pathetically admit that she wants to spoon spoon without being too much of a woman and weak weak?
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3 comments:
a couple of things come to mind...
come to the next grossman snuggle party!
/ i kind of like being a boy and liking boys, because although there are a whole host of expectations for that too, it seems as though i have some leeway when it comes to deciding how i act and what it says about me. ...so go for a soft boy? good for spooning, good for loving?
Woman's desire to be men have gone too far, but women can and do take the lead and enjoy relationships in their classic roles. The trick to this is figuring out when to take the lead and when to allow yourself to be lead and be vulnerable. Respect is not being seen as the leader or having one's will fulfilled by the masses, but to understand one's part and to have it acknowledged. To respect others is to acknowledged their role. Men are not just given this respect. They work like any other to attain it. How can you snuggle one night and party with the masses the next? Find someone so selfish as yourself. Who is emotionally detached enough to not care. It is still a relationship, but won't live up to your ideal. To be successful in any relationship you must learn to give and take. To gain something you must lose something less, but that gain is always more beneficial than the lost. This is true in all life situations. You can't have it all, so don't expect it. You don't have to take the lead and show dominance to attain respect. Many times that affords you more ridicule than respect. Think about it.
To "Undeniedtruth", these are just thoughts, these are merely my struggles, my struggles change throughout my life- and right now this is the main one.
Thank you for writing and I respect your opinion.
Of course this wouldnt have been written if I didnt also face the struggle between selfishness and being too giving. Maybe a yearning for selfishness comes from the realization that one has constantly given too much of herself, it is an expectation for women to care, for men it is different, it is a thought to consider but thank you.
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