Habit

Old habits die hard. The habit of rarely being in bed before 2am is certainly no exception. It would be nice to be one of those carefree thoughtless people for a day, it is neither too healthy nor beneficial to overanalyze and put meaning to everything meaningless.

Time to let loose and let go and let control slip from one's fingers a little bit.
It's such a fearful thought.
Time to be naturally awkward instead of awkwardly trying to control what is natural.
Time to let life run life and not regrets. No poems...... no passion....... my emptiness is screaming right now...... even my emptiness is more angry than me.

So why is it that in order to reach peace and compromise, in order to please please please, I concede concede concede? It is not like my stance has changed. It is not like a maturity to back away impresses another or boasts his/her ego.

When initial stance is so strong, passionate, unexpected; then one concedes concedes concedes just to avoid drama, be the bigger person, she loses her inner definition for an outer joy.

She believes less stress clears room for control control control of an image she must portray to the world world world. All the while the submission honestly makes her only lose that very control -trol -trol from her inability to plant a firm footing.

She concedes concedes concedes,
compromises, compromises, compromises,
her for them.

It is becomming a habit which dies hard.