Over and over

"You can tell me I'm wrong, that I'm coming on way too strong, don't think I'll be crushed, just do it with love, love, love." -Hilary Duff

You know when you read a text nearly all the way through, and you get to the end to figure out that nearly none of it has sunk in? Yep. I should be more invested in Anthropology of Violence, it sounded like such a cool class until I actually was there. I was told by a friend in December that once you get to know someone, they may become less charming, the mystery may be gone and you realize that they're really just an ass. Intelligent? Yes! But still an ass, and not courageous. I need to take a step back dear Lord- honestly- I need to stop convincing myself that I want things that I don't want just because I don't have them. It's like you yearn for the butterflies and the nervousness all the time, that you make it happen without realizing that it doesn't. The devil, Macy's, whatever I call him, spoke, and I just realized it wasn't there. Which is good- it's just too rude and shallow for me to handle, and I'm too busy and already distracted enough to be having that. I sat yesterday writing another poem about it, which I will put up, but I'm glad that the bubbliness of it wasn't really there the way I had anticipated. And all this time I've been wanting it, as to not hurt my own pride, as to satisfy my curiosity, but there's nothing there to be curious about. So I accept that it won't happen, and I move forward.

Sit with me
Lie By Me
Don’t speak
Because your words are empty

Put your arms where they want to go
Release your energy where it needs to flee
But don’t speak

Give my eyes the candy of your presence
My soul the warmth of your security
But don’t speak

Let my tears cry stoically
And my needs hide rapidly
As you pretend not to care
Yet you’re there
No need to speak to me.

No need to speak
Or accept
or to hear
Just be

No need to work
or explain
or play games
Just be

Because with you, it’s enough
your presence is enough
the energy of your steps to be here
is enough

Sit with me
Put your arms where they want to go

Give my eyes the candy of your presence
Let my tears cry stoically

No need to speak
No need to work

Because with you, it’s enough
You can fabricate words
but you alone prove comforting.