"I can't keep myself and still keep you too" -Mr. Kanye West (ala Mr. quotable)

I'm going to be really sad to leave Colby on the 17th (I can technically on the 16th). This school is hell sometimes- but it's a love/hate relationship. It consistently gives me so much. Sometimes the preppy white kids here makes me internally laugh (hard), but then as funny as that is, some become my friends and first impressions don't mean so much.... those annoying characteristics are endearing in my friends, just not so much in other people.

Junior year might be the most different because I'm going to come back in autumn and half of my classmates will be abroad, and when they return, I will be abroad.

But even beyond that, I've developed bonds with some seniors this year... I might miss them and miss Colby more than I want to admit. After all, as much as I hate it sometimes, as much as the school and I work on different philosophies, it's my home, Sarah, Kim and them have become like sisters. Even during Christmas, I missed the rigor, the drama, having parties to go to, work to do, people my age to share academic philosophies with.

Several papers and tests to complete before this year, which went by like a snap of a finger, is over. (Yes, I know, being sentimental is lame) Hopefully, it'll be a weekend of hard fun, followed by a week of hard studying... and then life will take me where it will. I'm still waiting to hear back from several people about the future... somehow impatience doesn't quite capture the feeling.

I'm reaching a state of acceptance... I guess as stubborn as I am, others are as well. I spoke with my mentor, Robin, and one of my more clearheaded friends, and both seemed to be saying the same thing to me. They actually make a lot of sense. As a stubborn person, I guess the all or nothing theory scares me, I don't want (more accurately am not ready for) all (and neither is anyone else), but unfortunately no one seems to be convinced that I can walk a fine line... including me? Nothing though? I hear them, I see it myself, "don't take it personal, don't take it personal"...... it's easy to say, it's right, "in-actions speak louder than words"... got it. It's not his personality flaw, it's not my personality flaw..... we're just both a little fucked in the head when it comes to dealing with sticky situations. And my persistence makes it harder not for him... but me.

Summer in 10 days. Everyone is so close to self-discovery, taking on the world, everyone is radical, focused and strong at this point, college prepares us to be, so it makes sense to stay away from sticky situations and not have distractions. Then we ask where the human aspect comes in... and I guess that's where I find that I have the most trouble, especially as somewhat of a needy female.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Links to poems and anecdotes written within the last couple of weeks.