sex and the city

"I told you so
but you had to go
now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in 2 again" -Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood has a beautiful voice and a part of me really enjoys country. No good-byes, no hellos, no sentiments during the last week. Maybe thousands of miles will bring the clarity needed for the understanding of reality... bring back somber common sense. My mother, who is somewhat traditional, says I'm too strong.... she points out that many American men now prefer Asian women because American women demand too much power... too opinionated... making a man feel like less, yet I feel like these experiences make me lose all power. How could I be strong when I've already conceded, anymore and I'm back in the 1950s but without it... this is it. No good-byes and it matters only to one party. I wrote the following a few weeks back.

4 years of wrong lines... funny but not.

The boys of Death Cab warn that
If I move my place in line I'll lose
out on the potential
allowing the stubbornness and strength of another to will my voice out of the way
and lead MY line another direction.
Only not really because they're simply shoving me into the right direction which
I haven't followed.
Seeing how many times I've already gotten into the wrong types of lines.
I should be grateful... only I'm not
Let me fall on my face
I didn't ask for protection or forewarning
I won't believe it's poison just because I was told so.
Until I feel the effects I won't be scared or learn.

BUT, if one is going to push,
at least push hard and mean it;
can't have the cake and eat it too.

It's like China and the United States
push, pull, push, pull, push, pull
Damn it! Just push!

If I fall, I'm going to get up.
Better than being stuck running in then out
in then out
Makes one wonder if it's more for the convenience of the lines.
Like a back up point guard who should really be starting for another team.
No one learns not to jump when let down lightly
The line themselves have to keep dealing with consistent anomalies,
as if anomalies enjoy being anomalies,
and as though lines don't have better places to go.

Either don't push
Just let me fall and let me learn.
Or push harder
To let me fall and let me learn.
Don't nudge, the cake won't be there.
-------
As much as I'll miss this and wish for the closure of it, for now I'll be thankful to be home. Besides, in my books, there are no goodbyes, only "see you later".