There's some truth behind every lie

'I don't want to be the call at 4 o'clock in the morning,
'cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home' -Pink

Resolution is sweet and wonderful and liberating. The smallest actions leads to tremendous resolution, and now I am able to breathe, comprehend, smile. Thank you :)

5/29
I'm 21 or nearly, and there are lots of things I can control; my weight, getting better grades, how well I treat others. As I age, I become aware of how presentable and articulate I am, and so the mirror is a huge asset before big presentations and interviews- walking back and worth, looking at myself and listening to myself. But then, the mirror is something I look at everyday, not when I was 11 or 13, but now, everyday it's there.

At Colby, one could hear beautiful girls puking in the bathroom at odd hours of the night, girls who outsiders would think are perfect. They're thin, they're white, they're beautiful, they're obviously smart, but they have insecurities. Probably mirror based insecurities.

I think insecurities does come from some facet of reality or what one can't control. There's some truth behind every lie.

I think I'm beautiful because the inside radiates more than the outside. I'm not too overweight, I speak like a lady, I have okay bone structure. Yet one practices her answers in front of the mirror, it's difficult to see the disparity between the person I imagine myself to be and the person that I am because I have to open my mouth, and I don't look as pretty.

Especially at 20, it's a world of competition and attraction, and often the insecurities link the lack of success back to the looks. Back to what keeps me at a 7 instead of a 9, and hypothetically the men I like are 9, and the women they like back are 9.

It's always been in the back of my mine that the smile is important, it always has been, it's how one communicates, it's what people see. And my confidence has gotten higher from my high school years, but I don't know how confident one can truly be if she can't smile and be happy with how that looks.

It's that, making me not ooze confidence revealing insecurities which others can then see which compound the problem. So $3 thousand more in debt, 2 years of possible braces, to give me an opportunity to get to know people who aren't my closest friends and family. They could give me a bigger shot first with outside appearance so that they could get to know my inner beauty. At 20/21 in the age of teen angst, young adulthood, it's been bothering me for a good 8 years... maybe it's time to put that behind me, get it fixed, and smile.